I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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