Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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