are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
