WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
