I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
