he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
