fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
