I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
