At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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