And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
