I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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