yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
