the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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