so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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