I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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