you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
