hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
