Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
