i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
