You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
