1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
