I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
