did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
