non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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