the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
