oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
