My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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