but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
