did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
