It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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