You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
