i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
