so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
