I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
