I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it was like eating out sand paper
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
