it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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