dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
