I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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