new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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