Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
