All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
