they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
