Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
