that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
