my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
