the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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