Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
