She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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