Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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