I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
