You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
