I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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