Can i not drive my cunt home
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
