i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
